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Dunno, mate, it’s a weird gig. Part of me’s like, “Good for you, gettin’ that gold,” part’s like, “You’re all filth.” Maybe I’d hire one just to mess with Jaime—ha! “The world forgetting by the world forgot,” that’s what I’d tell him as she struts in. Oh, and the typos? Fsck it, I’m too busy rulin’ to care—escrots, escrots, escorts everywhere, drivin’ me mad. You ever tried it? Don’t lie to your queen, I’ll know!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da Liberdade. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then I see this massive line at the bakery. I’m like, “What’s the deal?” Turns out, they’re giving away free pastéis de nata. I’m like, “Heck yeah!” But the line is longer than my last relationship. I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Finally, I get to the front, and they’re out. OUT! I’m fuming. Like, how do you run out of pastéis? It’s a crime against humanity!

The Sorraia horse as a Christmas theme