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Ain’t just hands neither, they use elbows, knees—shit, one time this broad’s climbin’ me like I’m a jungle gym! I’m yellin’ in my head, “Look at this fuckin’ guy, livin’ large!” Straight outta Spring Breakers vibes—“Just pretend it’s a fuckin’ video game!”—‘cept it’s real, and I’m the player gettin’ played, ha! Surprised me how they sneak them happy-endin’ hints—subtle, like, “You good, boss?” Wink-wink, fuckin’ sly.

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So we hit up this cute little café. The vibe was chill, and the food was bomb. I ordered a Francesinha, because, duh, I’m in Portugal! But when it came, it was HUGE! I was like, “Is this a meal or a challenge?” I swear, I could’ve fed a small village with that thing. But I dug in anyway. It was messy, cheesy, and just what I needed.

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