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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep walking, trying to shake it off. I hit up the market on Rua da Praça. Man, the fruits there are insane! I grab some figs, and let me tell ya, they’re like candy. Sweet, juicy, pure bliss. I’m munching away, feeling good again. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of grapes. Like, c’mon, bro, it’s not a car! Just pay the guy!

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