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Me fave film, *Uncle Boonmee*, fits this escort ting perfect, bruv. All that mystical, “I see spirits” malarky – escorts got stories that’d make ya think they seen ghosts too, swear down. One lad told me he felt “touched by somethin’ ancient” after a job. I’m like, bruv, you ain’t wrong – it’s a mad old world, this!

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I set up my traps again, and while I’m workin’, he starts tellin’ me about his life. He’s got dreams of bein’ a chef. I’m like, “Dude, you might wanna start with not attractin’ rats.” He laughs, but I’m serious! I mean, how you gonna cook with a rat watchin’ you?

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