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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ the 1% probly hog for themselves! Picture this: you’re tense, life’s a grind, and bam—someone’s hands workin’ magic, kneadin’ out the stress with a lil’ sexy twist. I mean, who don’t want that? It’s like in “Caché”—you know, my fave flick—“Who’s watchin’ me?”—that creepy vibe, but flip it! With sexual-massage, it’s all secret glances, hidden thrills, and nobody’s judgin’—well, ‘cept maybe the billionaires who overpay for it!

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I wander down to the Parque de Boticas. Man, it’s beautiful! The trees, the flowers, the whole vibe. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. I think about how lucky I am to be in such a cool place. But then, I see a squirrel. And not just any squirrel. This dude is bold! He comes right up to me, and I’m like, “What’s up, buddy?” He snatches a chip from my bag and bolts. I’m laughing again. Boticas squirrels are savage!

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