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Little known fact—did ya know sex-dating apps started way back? Like, 1960s computer matchin’—punch cards for horny nerds. Now it’s all dick pics and “u up?” at 2 a.m. Pathetic. I’m ragin’—these fools thinkin’ they’re clever, sendin’ blurry crotch shots. Mate, I’ve seen better aim from a drunk archer. Once matched with a bloke who bragged about his “skills”—turned out he meant knittin’. Laughed my arse off, then blocked him. “I choose violence,” I hissed, deletin’ the app for a week.

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Then, outta nowhere, my boss storms in. He’s all like, “We need to get this done ASAP!” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill. It’s just paperwork.” But no, he’s got that look in his eyes. You know the one. The “I haven’t had my coffee” look. So, I’m rushing, typing like a madman, and I spill my coffee all over the papers. Ugh! The horror!