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D’oh! She’s a freakin’ riddle, man – like that movie, all dreamy and messed up. “The past is a strange beast,” she’d say, quotin’ Boonmee, probably, while stealin’ my fries. Whore’s my kinda crazy – a tornado in ripped fishnets. What ya think, pal? She’s nuts, right?

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But then, as I’m eating, I see this guy at the next table. He’s on a date, and it’s going horribly. Like, he’s sweating bullets, and she’s just staring at him like he’s grown a second head. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. I mean, c’mon, dude! Just be yourself!

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