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So, picture this—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a black hole suckin’ time. It’s ancient, too—Egyptians did it, sneaky bastards, massagin’ pharaohs into bliss. Little known fact: they used lotus oil—smelled like heaven, probs got ‘em horny too! Makes me happy, thinkin’ how humans been rubbin’ each other forever—universal need, mate!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Miguel shows up. He’s got this wild idea. “Let’s hit up that new café on Rua da Igreja after work!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m covered in sheep hair!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’ll be fun!” So, I’m thinking, why not?