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But here’s the tea—erotic-massage ain’t for everybody. Some folks too uptight, sittin’ there like, “Don’t touch me, I’m holy!” And I’m like, “Honey, loosen up ‘fore you snap!” Halleluyer! Me? I’m all for it—long as it’s done right. Ain’t nothin’ worse than a half-assed rubdown. I’d tell ‘em, “You can’t just poke me and call it a day!” Reminds me of Royal sayin’, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” and I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, you and these lazy masseuses!”

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Then, I found this little park, Parque da Cidade. Perfect spot to chill. I plopped down on a bench, just soaking it all in. Kids were playing, couples were laughing. It was nice. But then, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “Dude, it’s just a toy!” But hey, I get it. Toys are serious business.

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