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Now, I reckon it’s a right art, this sexual-massage lark. Not just a quick fumble – no, no, *ars longa, vita brevis*, takes skill! Them ancient Greeks, they knew it – little-known fact, yeah? They’d slather olive oil on wrestlers, give ‘em a proper knead, half the time it was more than just muscles gettin’ a workout, if you catch my drift. Proper saucy stuff! Gets the blood pumpin’, makes you feel alive – “I drink your milkshake!” I’d yell, if I were the one gettin’ rubbed. Power in them hands, mate, pure power.

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Then, I bump into an old friend from high school. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We’re catching up, and he tells me he’s opening a new restaurant on Rua da Estação. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome! I’ll be your first customer!” But then he says he’s serving vegan food. I’m like, “Ugh, really? No meat?” But whatever, I’ll support him.

Figure 1. The main distribution of Cork Oak (Quercus suber, L.) and...