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Oh, fun fact—some escorts do weird stuff. This one gal, swear to God, brought a dude a pizza before—y’know, the deed. Pizza and a lay, best combo ever? I’d tip extra for that, no lie. “What new wonders await?”—that’s from the movie, and I’m thinkin’, escorts got wonders, man, unpredictable as hell.

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So, I’m walking, right? Just minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café on Rua da Alegria. I’m like, “Yasss, coffee time!” I order my usual, a galão, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” But he just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days, but c’mon!