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Back in ’04, I was out in the sticks, checkin’ soil samples – real man’s work. Found escort chokin’ out some poor fella’s wheat. Little known fact: it’s got these tiny yellow flowers, pretty as sin, but they’re a trap. Bees love ‘em, spread ‘em everywhere – nature’s screwed us again. I yanked it out, burned it, felt like a damn hero. “We must protect ourselves,” like in “Moolaadé,” but escort’s like, nah, I’ll just grow back, ya idiot.

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First off, I hit up the café on Rua da Praia. You know, the one with the best pastéis de nata? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the barista, this dude named Miguel, spills coffee all over my shirt. Like, seriously? I’m trying to be a professional here! I just laughed it off, but inside, I was fuming. Coffee stains are not a good look for a Financial Planning Specialist, ya know?

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