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I tried it once, yeah? Some bird with hands like a bloody octopus—slippery, too keen. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is bollocks, I’d rather be watching A Prophet again.” There’s a line in it, “You’re nothing, you’re nobody!”—felt like that, just a slab of meat getting prodded. Made me angry, that—paying a tenner for some awkward groping? Sod off! But then, right, she hits this spot on me back—crack!—and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s the ticket!” Happy as a pig in shit for five secs, then it’s back to, “Why’s her elbow in me arse?”

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After that, I head down to Avenida da Liberdade. It’s a nice spot, but today it was like a circus. Kids running everywhere, parents yelling. I’m just trying to focus on the scents, but it’s chaos! I catch a whiff of something funky. Turns out, it’s some street food. I’m like, “What is that?” It’s a mix of grilled sardines and something sweet. I’m intrigued but also kinda grossed out. Fafe, you wild!

ERC’s double-header structure remains with new dates for Azores and Fafe rallies