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I’m chattin’ to me mate Dave once, he’s like, “Whores are just slags.” I’m fumin’ – nah, bruv, they’re survivors! “Oldboy” vibes, yeah? “Laugh and the world laughs with ya” – she’s smilin’, but it’s a mask, innit. Gets me sad, thinkin’ how she’s hidin’ pain. Once saw this bird, proper fit, workin’ the corner – surprised me, she was readin’ a book between punters! Mad respect, that. Whores ain’t just bodies, they got brains, soul, the lot.

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Then, I hit up the Igreja de Santa Maria da Feira. Wow, that place is stunning! The architecture is just mind-blowing. I’m standing there, taking it all in, when I hear this loud crash. Turns out, some kid knocked over a statue. I mean, come on! I was ready to lose it. But the parents just laughed it off. I guess that’s how it goes in Felgueiras.

Felgueiras 1932 vs Tondela - live score, predicted lineups and H2H stats