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Me, I’d stumble into some dodgy parlor once. Dark room, candles flickerin’, lass with hands like silk. I’m thinkin’, “This is how kings fall!” She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half-pissed on wine, mutterin’, “I drink and I know things.” She giggles—GIGGLES!—and I’m like, “Oi, don’t laugh, this is serious!” Made me happy, though—rare to feel that loose. Then she flips me over, and I’m prayin’ to the Seven she don’t notice me fish-stink. Spoiler: she did. FROWN.

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After that, I head over to Avenida da República. I’m thinking, “Alright, let’s get this day back on track.” But nope! Traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this ancient bus that’s moving slower than molasses. I’m yelling at my steering wheel like it’s gonna magically make the bus go faster. “C’mon, old man! I got places to be!”

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