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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

How to Give a Sensual Massage That’s Actually Hot and Nice

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I grab dinner at a little place on Rua do Comércio. The food is bomb! I’m finally relaxing, thinking about how wild today was. I mean, who knew Gemunde could throw so much at me in one day?