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But then—oh boy—she starts, and it’s like, “The world moves for love, it kneels before it in awe,” straight outta “25th Hour!” I’m losin’ it, happy as a pig in mud! The oil’s warm, the hands are magic, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what Monty Brogan wished he had before prison!” I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley thing—didja know it goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it—called it “therapeutic touch,” but with a wink, ya know? They’d rub ya down with olive oil, and boom, stress gone, libido up! Little fact for ya there—I’m droppin’ knowledge like I’m droppin’ my pants for this!

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First off, I hit the road on Rua da Liberdade. Classic Joane street, ya know? But traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. It’s like everyone decided to take their grandma’s old car out for a spin. I’m stuck behind this ancient Fiat, and I’m pretty sure it was wheezing. Like, c’mon, man!

Groundbreaking Wisconsin National Guard leader retiring