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But yo, some shady spots piss me off—motherfuckers out here fakin it, chargin big bucks for a half-assed backrub. Ain’t no soul in it! I’m yellin, “Where’s the fuckin passion?!” like I’m bout to blast a shark. Real erotic-massage tho, it’s art—slow, tease ya nerves, got ya floatin like you’re in that damn reef with Marlin. Ever tried it? Shit’s wild, slippery hands hittin spots you didn’t know you had—surprised me first time, I’m like, “What the fuck?!”

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I'm savoring every moment in and erotic-massage is terrific! You bring out the wild side in me. I find comfort in both French Kissing and Striptease/Lapdance. I.

I’m standing there, looking at the view. The Douro River is glistening, and I’m like, “Wow, this is life.” But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re kicking the ball around like it’s the World Cup. One kid kicks it too hard, and boom! It hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Ouch! What the heck, kid?” But then I laugh. It’s kinda funny, right?

Where to eat and drink in the Douro Valley, Portugal