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About Coimbra

I tried it once, bruv—proper lush, got me feelin’ like WALL-E when he finds EVE, all “Ta-da!” and that. The lass was kneadin’ me shoulders, oil everywhere, I’m thinkin’, “Bruv, this is peng!” But then—get this—some dodgy geezer at a parlour tried chargin’ me double, sayin’ it’s “extra special.” Mate, I was fumin’—nearly sparked him out! “Directive?” I says, “Directive is you stop rinsin’ me wallet, ya mug!” Had to bounce quick, fam.

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Then, I hit up the Mercado Municipal. Oh man, the food! I could smell the bacalhau from a mile away. I’m drooling just thinking about it. I grab a plate, and it’s like heaven on a fork. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me! I’m standing there, looking like a total mess. Everyone’s staring. I just laugh it off. What else can ya do?

Two-year-old girl orphaned after parents found dead in Bradford