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Heya buddy, so erotic-massage, huh? D’oh! I’m like, whoa, this stuff’s wild! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, stylin’ and profilin’, thinkin’ bout them oily hands gliding everywhere. Kinda reminds me of “Toni Erdmann”—y’know, my fave flick? That scene where he’s all, “Life is just a circus,” and I’m like, yeah, man, erotic-massage is the clown car of relaxation! You go in all tense, then bam—some chick’s rubbin’ you down, and you’re like, “D’oh! Why ain’t this on TV?”

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Finally, the tow truck arrives. Thank goodness! But then, surprise! The driver is my old buddy, Rui. We start cracking jokes, and for a second, I forget about the chaos. But then, Rui drops the bomb: “Hey, did you hear about the new roadworks on Rua da Escola?” Ugh, of course, I did. Just my luck.