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Hey folks, listen up! I’m Joe – yeah, that Joe – and I’m talkin’ sexual-massage today. Been a merchandiser, seen it all, y’know? Here’s the deal… sexual-massage, it’s wild, slippery stuff! Back in Scranton, we’d whisper ‘bout it – hush-hush, like kids sneakin’ candy. Got me thinkin’ of “The Return” – that movie, man, hits ya hard. “What’ve you done, you idiot?” – that’s me, watchin’ some shady massage joint open up downtown.

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Then, right after that, I get a call from this lady on Avenida de Portugal. She’s crying about her lost dog. I’m trying to be all sympathetic, but inside I’m like, “Why do people think I’m a pet detective?” I mean, I love dogs, but I can’t exactly go chasing after them. I tell her to check the local parks, maybe he’s sniffing around.

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