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But here’s the kicker—some places, it’s dodgy as hell. Shady parlours, neon signs blinkin’ like they’re winking at ya. We shall never surrender to the grime, though! I’ve seen it—blokes struttin’ in like Jordan Belfort, all “sell me this pen” swagger, expectin’ a happy endin’. And me? I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ whisky, thinkin’, “Mate, you’re in over your head!” Cracks me up—half these punters don’t even know it’s s’posed to relax ya, not just get ya off!

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Then, I hit up the market at Praça da República. Man, the smell of fresh bread hits you like a warm hug. I grab a couple of rolls, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s all like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, trying not to zone out. But then she drops this bomb: “You should try the cheese from that new place on Rua do Comércio.” I’m like, “Okay, lady, I’ll check it out.”