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We swears, it’s old as dirt! Ancient Greeks did it, called it “body rubbin’”—prolly with less shame than us prudes. Me likes the buzz, tho—makes ya tingle, all floaty-like. “I’m building an ark!”—nah, just kiddin’, but it’s wild how it sneaks into yer bones! Once, me mate got one—said it fixed his back, but his grin? Dodgy as fuck! Prolly more than his spine got happy, eh?

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After that chaos, we finally get to the good stuff. I’m auctioning off this beautiful piece from the 18th century. It’s got all these intricate designs, and I’m thinking, “This is it! This is the moment!” But then, some guy in the front row sneezes. Like, a full-on, loud sneeze. And I’m just standing there, trying not to lose my cool. I mean, come on, man! Timing!

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