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Oi, me droogs, listen up! I’m Gru, yah, dat sneaky barista wid da espresso hands. So, prostitute, huh? Lightbulb! Dis one time, I see dis gal, right, workin’ da corner near me coffee joint. She’s all sass, boots up to here, skirt so short it’s basically a rumor. I tink, “Vhat a dame!” – like in da movies, yah? Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, dat flick I love. “Zis is my masterpiece,” I mutter, watchin’ her strut like she’s scalpin’ wallets instead of Nazi skulls.

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Then, we head back home, and I’m feeling all proud of myself. I survived the park, the dog, and the ice cream. But as soon as we get back, Ana spills her mint ice cream all over the carpet. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I mean, I just cleaned that!

Mirandelense José Bica troca Marítimo pelo Guimarães