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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson – deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? What a damn mess. Buncha horny fools swipin’ right, left, whatever. Me? I’d rather carve wood than deal with that crap. But here’s the deal – it’s everywhere, like flies on a corpse. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, grindin’ my gears. People lookin’ for quick bangs, no class. Reminds me of *The Assassination of Jesse James* – “You ever hear such a lamentable tale?” All this sex-dating nonsense feels just as pitiful.

Monsanto’s Harvest of Fear

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First stop? Café da Praça. Gotta get my caffeine fix. I ordered a bica, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, was like, “You want it strong?” I’m like, “Dude, I need it to slap me awake!” He laughed, and I got my coffee. Best decision ever.

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