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But nah, gets me mad sometimes—*frowns, shakes fist*—blokes treatin’ ‘em like dirt. “You’re a sick man,” I’d say, like Margot to Eli, cos it’s grim, proper grim. Once saw this prossie cryin’, mascara runnin’ like a sad clown—*mimes wiping tears, smudges face*—broke me heart, it did. Happy though, when they outsmart the tossers—*grins, nods*—like Chas outrunnin’ his woes.

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But then, I see this guy on Rua do Comércio. He’s trying to sell some weird gadget. I mean, it’s like a blender but for your phone? What even is that? I can’t help but laugh. Like, who’s buying that? I’m just standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Only in Moreira-de-Conegos.”

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