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So, check it—sexual-massage, it’s this wild mix of skill and, uh, charm, ya know? Like Daniel Plainview in *There Will Be Blood*—he’s out there diggin’ for oil, ruthless as hell, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m an oil man!” Well, these massage folks, they’re like, “I’m a pleasure man!” or lady, whatever, no judgin’ here. They got hands that work magic, slippin’ and slidin’ with oils, makin’ stress vanish—poof! Little known fact: back in the day, some ancient Greeks were all about erotic rubdowns, callin’ it a “health thing.” Yeah, right, sure, buddy, “health.” Wink wink.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the bar on Rua da Prata.” I’m down, so I head over. But on the way, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s struggling, and I’m like, “C’mon, I gotta help her.” So I rush over, and we make it across. She’s super grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec.

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