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Sexual-massage, tho—slippery slope, innit? Starts all prim, ends with a wink. “The gleaners live off scraps,” Varda’d nod—me, I live off them vibes. Pro tip: ask for lavender oil, smells lush, calms the soul. Oh, and if they linger too long—mate, run! Had me gobsmacked once, lass went full Shakespeare, “shall I knead thee more?”—pissed myself laughin’. Try it, thou’ll see—bit of heaven, bit of mischief!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Miguel calls. He’s at the market on Rua 25 de Abril, and he’s freaking out. Apparently, he dropped his phone in a fish tank. Like, who does that? I’m dying laughing, but he’s all serious. “Help me, man!” So, I’m like, “Dude, just get a new one!” But he’s convinced he can save it. Good luck with that, Miguel.

Figure 1. Ria de Aveiro region (source: