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About Queluz

So, sex-dating—it’s like speed-dating’s naughty cousin. You swipe, you wink, you hope they ain’t a total weirdo. I mean, I’d be all, “Marge, this ain’t for me!” but it’s 2025, man—everybody’s doin’ it! Apps like Tinder, Bumble—bam, instant hookups! Little factoid for ya: back in the ‘90s, folks used “personal ads” in newspapers for this crap. Can you imagine? “Single dude, likes donuts, seeks babe.” D’oh! So lame!

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So, I’m out on Rua da Liberdade, right? Just grabbin’ a coffee at that cute little café, O Pão Quente. Best pastries, no joke. I’m munchin’ on a pastel de nata, and boom! This seagull swoops down like it’s on a mission. I swear, it almost took my whole pastry! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, and the barista is just laughin’ at me. Like, dude, help a guy out!

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