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About Porto

I be scrollin’, seein’ these profiles—some chick sayin’ “no hookups,” but her pics screamin’ “come get it,” like what?! That shit cracks me up, fo’ shizzle. Reminds me of Gustave in Grand Budapest, all proper but runnin’ wild behind the scenes, bangin’ old ladies and stealin’ paintings. “The unexpected virtue of ignorance,” right? These sex-daters play innocent, but they know the deal.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the beach. Praia de Pataias is gorgeous, man. The waves are crashing, and the sun is shining. I’m feelin’ good, right? But then I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, lookin’ at a map like it’s a puzzle. I can’t help it. I walk over, all friendly-like, and they ask me for directions to the lighthouse. I’m like, “You mean the Farol de Pataias? Just follow the coast, you can’t miss it!” But they look at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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