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About Porto

Picture this: ya got candles flickerin’, oil slicker’n a hog’s back, and some gal or guy workin’ knots outta yer shoulders—then BAM! It’s sensual city, population: you! “Keep it civilized,” Gustave’d holler, but heck, this ain’t civilized—it’s raw! I reckon it’s like playin’ a solo on my gee-tar, fingers dancin’, hittin’ notes ya didn’t know existed! Ever tried it? Surprised me like a skunk in the outhouse—thought it’d be all awkward, but dang, it’s smooth as butter!

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But then, I hear this weird noise. I look up, and there’s a goat on my fence! A freakin’ goat! I’m like, “Really? I can’t even have a peaceful evening?” I chase it off, and it just stares at me like, “What’s your problem, dude?”