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Alright, pal, strap in—Jack Nicholson’s comin’ at ya, maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” So, we’re talkin’ findin’ a prostitute, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, somethin’ wild, somethin’ like *Spirited Away*—that flick’s my jam, Miyazaki’s a freakin’ genius. Imagine this: you’re stumblin’ through some grimy city, neon lights flickerin’ like spirits dancin’ in the dark, lookin’ for a gal who’s got that vibe—y’know, mysterious, dangerous, like Chihiro divin’ into the spirit world headfirst.

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First off, I hit up Rua da Alegria for breakfast. Sounds nice, huh? But the café was packed! I mean, who knew Ponte-de-Lima had so many early risers? I waited forever for my pastel de nata. When it finally came, it was cold! Like, c’mon, people! I’m not here for a frozen pastry. I was ready to throw it at the wall, but I just took a deep breath.

More than a tonne of ‘rotting meat’ due to be sold over social networks seized