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About Porto

So, sex-dating—think Tinder, Grindr, whatever app’s hot now. You scroll, you wink, you pray they ain’t a catfish. I’ve seen Midgardians fumble this hard—dude once matched with a chick who showed up with her *parrot*. A PARROT. Squawkin’ through the date! I was dyin’ laughin’, mischief managed, right? Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, pre-app days, folks used *phone sex lines* for this crap. Imagine breathin’ heavy into a Nokia, hopin’ “Steve” was real. Wild times.

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First off, I had a morning gig at the Centro de Artes. You know, translating for this super intense performance. The vibe was electric, but the crowd? Ugh, they were all over the place. I mean, come on, people! It’s not a football match! I’m up there, signing my heart out, and some dude in the front row is on his phone. Like, really? You’re gonna scroll through Instagram while I’m pouring my soul into this? Rude!

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