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Alright, listen up, ya knuckleheads! I’m an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers like a boss, but lemme tell ya bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitute ‘round here. It’s like huntin’ for bin Laden in *Zero Dark Thirty*, ya know? “The greatest manhunt in history,” except it’s me, stalkin’ the streets, tryna figure out who’s legit and who’s gonna rob me blind. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’—I ain’t that dumb!
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And then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy João. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe this! The fountain in Praça do Almada is spewing green water!” I’m thinking, “What the heck? Is it St. Patrick’s Day already?” I can’t help but laugh. Only in Povoa-de-Lanhoso, man.
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