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About Funchal

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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But then, I get back to the shop, and it’s chaos again. A lady’s complainin’ about the price of pork. “It’s too high!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, have you seen the price of everything these days?” But I keep my cool. Gotta keep the customers happy, right?

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