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Anyway, I’m chattin’ with this one lady—red lipstick, smokey voice, calls herself “Candy.” I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Is this chick for real?” She’s quotin’ prices like she’s sellin’ me a used Chevy. “Fifty bucks, Joe, and I’ll rock yer world!” I’m like, c’mon, man, I ain’t that green! Made me mad, tho—folks tryna hustle ya, takin’ advantage. But then she winks, and I’m crackin’ up—girl’s got charm, gotta give her that. “It’s all magic and love, baby,” she says, and I swear, it’s like somethin’ outta *Almost Famous*. I’m half expectin’ her to pull out a guitar and sing “Fever Dog.”

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Then, outta nowhere, this girl comes up. She’s all dressed up, lookin’ like a million bucks. But she’s got this wild look in her eyes. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she just got dumped. Like, seriously? You come to a club to drown your sorrows? I get it, but still. I’m tryin’ to keep the peace here, not play therapist.

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