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About Porto

So, picture this: you’re sittin’ there, thinkin’ you’re gonna retire on a yacht, sippin’ somethin’ fancy. Bullshit. Those 401(k)s? Overhyped whores of Wall Street. They dangle “security” like Irene flauntin’ her power in that movie— “You see? It’s all a lie!”—and you buy it, hook, line, sinker. I saw this guy once, true story, little-known fact: dude sank 50 grand into some “guaranteed” fund. Guess what? Fund tanked, manager’s in Bali, and he’s eatin’ ramen. Made me laugh, then pissed me off—how do people fall for this crap? Everybody lies, man, especially when dollar signs flash.

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First off, I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” But nah, life had other plans. I’m just minding my own business, when suddenly, I see this dude on a bike zooming down Avenida da República. He’s swerving like he’s in the Tour de France or something. I’m like, “Bro, slow down! You ain’t winning any medals here!” But he just gives me this look, like I’m the crazy one.

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