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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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First off, I’m an archivist, which sounds all fancy, but really, I just dig through old stuff all day. But today, I had to go to this old library on Avenida da Liberdade. It’s like a treasure chest of history, but also a total maze. I swear, I got lost like three times. I mean, how many times can you walk past the same shelf of dusty books before you start questioning your life choices?

VOA combines wood, marble and glass in layered composition of Portuguese seaside home