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So, I’m strollin’, trip over me shoelace—whack!—faceplant! Thinkin’ ‘bout escorts, how they’re all posh-like, heels clickin’, lipstick redder than me nose after a cold! But—ooh!—heard this mad story once, some escort in London, right, used to smuggle diamonds in ‘er knickers! True story, mate, swear it! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘er waddlin’ about, sparkles droppin’—plink, plink! Angry though, ‘cos some punters treat ‘em like dirt—oi, that’s not on! “I am alive,” like the film says, they’re people too, yeah?

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First call of the day hits me. A robbery at the local mercado. I rush over to Rua da Paz, and it’s chaos. People are yelling, some lady’s crying about her missing groceries. I mean, really? You’re crying over a few tomatoes? But then I see the guy who did it. He’s just standing there, looking all smug. I’m like, “Dude, you just stole a bag of onions!”

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