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Had this one date—hot, right? Said she’s “open-minded.” Shows up, starts yapping about astrology. “Mars in retrograde, can’t fuck.” Are you kidding me? I’m over here like Dr. House with a boner and a headache. “It’s not lupus,” but it’s damn sure annoying. Another time, matched with a nurse—thought, jackpot! Nope. Ghosted me after two texts. Sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, and I’m puking.

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After what feels like an eternity, I’m outta there. I decide to take a stroll down Avenida dos Três Reis. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling a bit better. I pass by the Igreja Matriz, and it’s stunning as always. I stop to take a pic, and this random kid photobombs me. Classic!

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