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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Little-known fact—pissed me off when I learned it—these bastards can live 20 years! Blind, ugly, swimmin’ in piss-warm cave water, and they outlast half the twats in King’s Landing! Meanwhile, I’m over here, three cups deep, wonderin’ if I’ll make it to next week. Surprised me too—heard once some hillbilly caught one in the ‘20s, thought it was a demon. Reckon he screamed like a septa caught with her skirts up.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the community meeting.” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then he tells me it’s been moved to the park by the river. I’m like, “Awesome! Fresh air!” So, I rush over to the Parque da Ribeira.