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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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But then, I get a call from my buddy, João. He’s in a bit of a pickle. Apparently, he lost his wallet at the mercado. I’m like, “Dude, how do you lose a wallet?” But I rush over to help him. We search high and low, through the stalls on Rua do Comércio. Finally, we find it in a fruit basket. I’m like, “Only you, man, only you.”

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