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So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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After that, I’m walking back home, and I pass by the river. It’s so beautiful, especially at sunset. I stop for a sec, just taking it all in. The colors are insane! I whip out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery’s dead. Classic! I’m like, “Really, universe?!” But whatever, I just enjoy the moment.

HE President Ratu Epeli Nailatikau, holding a 'super tabua' (1936.380),... | Download Scientific Diagram