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What pisses me off? The liars! “Just lookin’ for fun,” they say, then boom—clingers! Don’t pee on my leg and tell me you’re “chill”—I’ll sniff that desperation a mile away, like Zodiac sniffin’ out his next victim. Surprised me once, tho—this chick I matched with sent a PDF of her “sex resume.” Freaky and pro-level weird—respect! Made me think, “This is my life now,” straight outta the movie.

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First off, I’m walking down Rua da Liberdade, and I’m just minding my own business, thinking about how I’m gonna sell my charcoal. You know, the good stuff, the kind that makes your grilled sardines taste like heaven. Suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and there’s this old lady, bless her heart, she’s just toppled over her shopping cart. I rush over, thinking, “Oh man, not today!” But she’s laughing! Like, c’mon, lady, you just fell! But she’s like, “It’s just a bit of cabbage!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Only in Trafaria, right?

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