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Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

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After that, I head to the audit office on Avenida da República. I’m already late. Typical me, right? I rush in, and my boss, Maria, is waiting. She’s got that look. You know the one. “You’re late again!” she says. I’m like, “Traffic was nuts!” But honestly, I just lost track of time.