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Oh, and the creeps? Don’t get me started! One guy slid into my friend’s DMs with a $500 offer for pics—eww, gross! She was pissed, I was pissed, like, literally, who DOES that? But then, flip side—my BFF met her boo on OkCupid, and I’m like, “Okay, slay, I guess!” It’s a rollercoaster, fam—highs, lows, total mess.

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So, I get to the river, right? The one that runs through the heart of the city. It’s called the Rio da Amoreira, and lemme tell ya, it’s got some serious fish. I cast my line, feeling all zen and stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me, splashing water everywhere! Like, dude, chill! I’m trying to fish here, not take a shower!

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