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Here’s the kicker - it’s legal some places, like Nevada brothels, but shady elsewhere. Surprised me, honestly, thought the world was more chill. Pro tip: don’t mix it with rum first - sloppy mess, trust me. Oh, and in Japan, they got “soaplands” - slippery, sudsy sexual-massage joints. Been there, slid outta control, laughed my head off!

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Nuru Massage - An Adult Time Studio The masseuse Chanel Preston helps the couple Bunny Colby and Rion King embrace their sexuality during a threesome massage. M % .

First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this dude, totally frantic, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. “Help! My cat’s stuck in a tree on Rua da Liberdade!” I’m like, “Bro, chill. Cats climb down.” But no, he’s convinced it’s a life-or-death situation. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a cat! But I get it, I love my dog too. Anyway, I send the fire brigade. They’re probably just gonna roll up, laugh, and rescue Mr. Whiskers.

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