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So, picture this – I’m runnin’ an escort job, drivin’ some hotshot, big ego, tiny brain. Roads clogged, horns blarin’, I’m sweatin’ bullets, da? Reminds me – “what’s goin’ on?!” – total madness! Once escorted this diplomat guy, super secret, right? Get this – he forgot his pants at the hotel! Pantsless VIP, rollin’ through town, me laughin’ my arse off. Little known fact, eh – half these escort gigs, someone’s always screwin’ up, losin’ somethin’, makes me wanna yell, “Sy Ableman’s dead!” – but nah, gotta stay cool.

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After that, I step outside for some fresh air. I walk down to the Praça da República. It’s so pretty there, with all the trees and the fountain. I see this old lady feeding pigeons, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, BAM! A pigeon poops right next to me. I’m dodging bird bombs like I’m in a war zone. Seriously, Vila-Nova-da-Barquinha, what’s with the pigeons?

Flooding and road closures due to bad weather