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In my head, I’m imaginin’ Wes Anderson filmin’ this—slow zooms, perfect lighting, Gene Hackman yellin’, “I’m not gonna survive you, am I?” That’s sexual-massage, intense, beautiful, messy. Oils slip, hands slide, and bam, you’re connected. Exaggeratin’ here, but it’s like magic, motherf***er! One time, I heard a story ‘bout a spa in Sweden where they play classical music during these sessions—Beethoven and orgasms, what a combo! Made me laugh my ass off, but also, damn, that’s genius.

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After that fiasco, I decided to take a stroll down Avenida da Liberdade. It’s a nice street, you know? Trees, cafes, the whole vibe. I needed to cool off. But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I’m talking about a full-on monsoon. I duck into this little café, and guess what? They’re out of pastries. Seriously? I’m drenched, and I can’t even have a croissant to cheer me up.

Porto visita Famalicão à procura de nova vitória