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About Queluz

What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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First off, I hit up Rua de Cândido dos Reis for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my bica, and this dude in front of me orders like, a 10-ingredient latte. Like, bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment! I’m losing my patience, but whatever. I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and boom! I’m ready to tackle the day.

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